Wow! Apologies for the extended hiatus, this blog has been on the back burner. But after having several people nag me about it–I’m here! Plus I have some really exciting news to share.
(My fiance and I in front of my work at the Corcoran Gallery of Art)
My thesis work is currently on display at the Corcoran Gallery of Art in Washington, DC! If you’re in the area you’ve got to check it out. I’m part of the NEXT exhibit, Corcoran’s graduating class of 2012. What an honor!
More info here.
“If you want to talk to a boy you don’t have a right to speak with him”
“The boys will tell you something meaningless, just to trick you. They want to test you to see if you are a good girl.”
“Nowadays the boys just want to have relationship for spending time, for asking about sex.”
Recently I was invited to go to a campus of the University of Sulaymaniyah for the entire day. I wanted to get some personal perspectives and stories on love and relationships. This particular campus is spread far outside the city, about an hour’s drive toward the mountains. A bus picked us up around one and we were nearly late to our 2:30 class!
First class was on English classical poetry. I have no idea how these students do it–it was totally over my head. Instead of listening, I sat there and started forming the questions I wanted to ask my peers. “What is beauty?” “What do Kurdish boys like?” “Where can you meet a boy?” etc. As soon as the class broke for a few minutes I became the center of attention. My “classmates” were so curious about what I was doing there, who I was, etc etc. I explained briefly that I was doing “a project” about love and relationships–smiling, the girls’ eyes flashed with excitement and they pulled me away to hear more about this.
I spent the next couple hours (most of the girls skipped their afternoon classes) talking to my new friends about their experiences with boys. They all said similar things–dating is impossible. Boys are distrustful and sneaky. Reputation is everything. People are always watching. Everything is a secret.
All of these phrases kept being repeated, but its hard to tell exactly what they’re inferring. I tried to get them to “unpack” some of the meaning behind their words. These girls explained to me how they have “no right” to tell a boy they love them. Or approach a boy at all. If they do that they’re risking their reputation entirely. Even if it went well and the boy “loved” them back, he still holds an advantage over her. At any time he could expose the fact that she came to him–thereby dishonoring her in front of her community. There is no situation where its appropriate for a girl and boy to be along together–especially if there is any romantic feeling between them. Therefore, everything occurs in secret–internet or instant messenger, primarily. This communication presents two sides though: First, its beneficial because no one else has to know that the two young adults are speaking privately. But inversely, its incredibly easy to record conversations in this manner! A young man could be recording their phone conversations and use it as blackmail at a later date. For these young women, being in a dating relationship is a huge risk.
I’m excited to learn more from these University visits!
-Lydia O’Neil
On a bit of blogging hiatus while photographing up a storm of senior thesis. Will return soon!
-Lydia O’Neil
Its 8pm on a Thursday night and I’m sitting at the base of a ferris wheel, eating date cookies and talking to three of my closest girlfriends about boys. Yes, it sounds a lot like a Babysitters Club moment, but its not. I’m in Kurdistan and we’re in a popular public park. None of these girls are in a relationship and as far as they’re concerned boys are worthless distractions.
What I love most about this conversation is how well it fits with my senior thesis! After a few months being here in Kurdistan I knew pretty well how important guy/girl relationships were to my peers. Important and mysterious… My female friends swore there was no step between “just friends” and engaged/married. And to an extent they’re right–there is no Kurdish word for “boyfriend”. But they also told me that every boy who tried to get their attention was only looking for sex. Any self-respecting girl wouldn’t be caught dead alone with a boy!
My less religious friends told me that all of their friends were in, or had been in, a “love relationship”–but still in secret, of course.
So I became very curious about the definitions at hand. Does “love relationship” = “dating” ? Does “love” = “dating” = engaged/married ? Does “love relationship” = “sex”? Is all of this a secret from parents? from neighbors, friends, etc?
I’ve created several surveys to build some foundational research. They’re anonymous and ask harmless questions; I want to know what they believe constitutes a “love relationship” or simply, what is “love”. I’m asking these girls what they look for in a member of the opposite sex, what they’re attracted to.
Stick with me over the next few weeks as I explore this topic more in depth with my friends here in Kurdistan!
Last week i was invited to go to a camp for IDP’s (Internally Displaced People) living just outside the city. Its a UNCHR camp, much like anything else you’ve seen in pictures. I was asked to go to see if there are kids living in the camp who have heart defects. Within a few minutes of meeting the camp “spokesperson” it was clear that the kids didn’t have heart problems. Semi-awkward moment then. Even though I was with good Kurdish friends, I still felt uncomfortably aware that the entire camp was staring at this very journalist-like white girl standing in the middle of their camp.
I felt completely unsure of what to do next. The kids were tugging at my camera, posing in front of me, clamoring to see their picture show up on the back of my camera. The adults had seen all of this before, they were unimpressed. I usually feel safe, removed, when I have my camera. I feel purposeful and intentional and I can escape any awkwardness. But this was the opposite! I felt like the parents were staring at me, at my camera, and thinking, “So what…you’re going to take pictures of our kids because they’re poor?”
The kids in this camp had a word, it took me a while to understand. “Money”. I thought they were speaking Arabic but instead they were trying to pronounce the one English word they knew! “Money” I really don’t like this! I felt sick when they started saying this and knew I had to put my camera down. The pictures I was taking wasn’t worth their dignity.
I meet a lot of kids in terrible situations. A lot of the families I meet during Remedy are at the the end of their rope (so to speak). They aren’t wealthy, they aren’t well connected. They have a child suffering from a hole in their heart and they’ve just about exhausted their options. I’ve met these families over and over! A lot of my job with Preemptive Love Coalition is to befriend kids, to get them to smile and laugh. We don’t want to exploit suffering or garner support based on pity. Its so easy to take pictures that pull at heart strings, that make you want to throw money at the problem to get it to go away. The world works a certain way but I don’t like it.
I think visual peacemaking is about building a relationship. Falling in love instead of guarding yourself with sympathy. What do you think?
My best friend here is a girl named Media. She’s been mentioned in a couple other posts, and she’s the greatest. Her family is so comfortable to be around and they don’t treat me any differently than they treat each other. Its great! So when she told me they were going to be making “yupruk” the next day, I knew I wanted to learn. Stuffed grape leaves (or spinach leaves) are really popular here, and its my favorite Kurdish food!
So here’s the run down. You’re going to need uncooked rice, grape leaves, beans, chives, onions, and oil. Lots of it.
Heat the oil, toss in the chives and onions. Rinse the rice. Pour the oil and chives over the rice, stir.
Add spices–curry, cumin, salt, “mixed spice” (its an option at the bazaar, its basically the last little bits of all the spice bags and its continually changing. So just throw in whatever you want!)
Mix it all up. Grab a large pot and line it with those beans. Take your grape leaf, spread it across your palm and add a spoonful of rice. Then just fold it up! Its way easier than I thought it would be. After that just put each little folded, packed grape leaf folded-side-down in the pot. With each new layer, line it with bean pods. Pour any left over rice/oil over the whole thing, then heat on the stove for 2 hours.
When its finished just flip the pot over onto your serving plate. It should all stay packed together like shown.
My favorite Kurdish meal with my favorite Kurdish family!
So much love,
Lydia
I love October! Its full of everything I love.
This year, October is my last full month in Iraq. I expected to feel bittersweet about that, but right now its just sweet. There are so many great things waiting at home, so many people I miss. I’ve loved being here, I’ve been so blessed. I have amazing friends, I’ve had amazing adventures. I’m full of great stories and the pictures to prove it. And I’m sure when I’m in the final days of saying goodbyes I’ll wish I didn’t have to leave at all! But October is just such a nice final month. Its the perfect way to end a perfect trip. Once October is finished, I’ll have about 1 week to say my goodbyes. Then I head to Nasiriyah for 2 weeks, then back to Sulaymaniyah for about 18 hours. Then Istanbul for 2 days, then home.
This morning I made a pumpkin spice latte with real pumpkin. It was delicious and warm and fall-y.
So much love,
Lydia O’Neil
There’s a family here who I really love. They’ve told me time and time again not to be lonely or miss my family in the States because I have family here in Kurdistan. They invited me over a couple days ago to learn to make these little tea cookies!
Dough, rolled into circles, fill with a mixture of coconut, walnut, cinnamon, sugar, and cardamom. So delicious!
You should try it!
Thank you so much to everyone who participated in this project! So honored to be featured on IGVP’s website.
See it here: www.visualpeacemakers.org
(too cute, right??)
-Lydia O’Neil
